For Love of Carter and Miles

"Sometimes our biggest blessings come only after our biggest heartaches. On March 29th, 2010 we found out that our second son Carter would be born at only 24 weeks. After 12 days of fighting, crying, praying & worrying, we said goodbye & he went home April 10, 2010. His mission was not only one that would scar our hearts with hurt that will never heal, but he gave us a knowledge of our Fathers plan & a “Guiding Light” that would ensure we didn’t give up & would always strive to be with him again.

Just 5 months later we discovered we were expecting our “Rainbow”. The joy & happiness could not have been any more anticipated. Anyone who’s lost a child can understand the anxiety to make sure everything was going ok. But on January 27th, 2011 we found that our next baby would not be staying long with us either. On January 31st, 2011 our next son Miles was born at just 20 weeks.

In the last 18 months we’ve made big changes though. Because of foresight & good insurance we’ve been able to pay debts, & this June we finally bought our first home. We also found out in May that we would again be expecting our ‘Rainbow’. Only this time around things have been easier & more stressful all in the same breath. Thankfully through the advances of science & a very good doctor we’ve improved our chances to carry this baby as close to term as possible. So there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Our symbol for Carter is the Lighthouse. Particularly the Bodie Island Lighthouse in North Carolina. He’s been named ‘Our Guiding Light’ because he shows us with his courage & soft spirit that we will indeed see him again. He has an amazing spirit that doesn’t give up, & has an overflowing amount of love for his family that reminds us to never give up.

 Miles’ symbol became stars. On his headstone we engraved “Here in a Twinkle, Gone in a Blink’. He is our little star. But unlike his older brothers, he has a spirit of life & happiness. He is our little jokester & often when we feel him near cannot help but laugh because we know he will be our little trouble maker.

There are days I’d give anything to have just one of them with me. But I also know that if Carter had lived, we would not have Miles. And if Miles had not come & gone we would not be expecting our baby girl, Emily. Life seems to always be filled with the bittersweet satisfaction that I’m being given happiness because of what I’ve lost. We will never be the same.

No one can walk into our house without immediately seeing lighthouses & stars all over because we never want to forget any of our children. Someday we will see them. Someday our sorrow will be destroyed by overwhelming joy at being reunited with our sons. But until that day we carry a burden that will never lighten, a hole in our hearts that will never heal. For them we carry on & do our best to ensure that we will be worthy to be with them again. No matter what."  Venessa B., Mommy to Carter and Miles

Venessa B. is friends with and has traveled a similar path to our sweet Vanessa P.  Vanessa provided a donation of diapers to be donated in memory of Carter Miles-Adan Babinsky and Miles Michael-Adan Babinsky.  These 40 diapers have been provided for the angel families of Mercy Medical Center in Redding, California.