For Love of Lauren

"Our sweet, much anticipated daughter was due to arrive on March 17th, 2013. Lucky St. Patrick's day! All preparations had been made, the pregnancy had been uneventful, everything looked fine and we were ready to welcome our new baby sister to the family. Even Grandma was staying with us to babysit when we went to the hospital. We spent a gorgeous day in Canyonlands National Park on the 12th of March. That night some contractions began and I was so excited. I thought the big day was here and by morning we would have our little one. 
 
I wrote Grandma a note with all the instructions and let Dad sleep while I walked around the living room waiting for things to progress. After a sleepless night, contractions stopped. While resting in the morning I realized I had not felt much kicking. But she never did kick much and we had been scared before with other pregnancies only to find our baby was napping. I had an appointment the next day, but wanted to check instead of worry another 24 hours. I wanted to see if things were progressing and wanted to meet our baby. 

We went in to the clinic that afternoon. The doctor could not find a heartbeat with the Doppler, but still, it was not our doctor. We went to the small office ultrasound machine. Everything got quiet. They sent us to the hospital and the large ultrasound, but we already knew. There was no heartbeat. Things moved quickly to get set to induce labor. My husband had to go home to tell the children what had happened, when they all thought we were going to get their baby sister. 

From those first moments, we felt very much in shock, but very blessed. A wonderful lady and friend who had lost a nephew had begun helping with stillbirths and sewing angel clothing. She came to see us with her beautiful little outfits. We did not need them, but they were special none the less. Early in the morning of the 14th we delivered gorgeous little Lauren. 7 lbs 3 oz of perfection. We still do not truly know what happened, although we did find that the placenta had abrupted partially and bled internally, giving us no warning signs. Some more ladies came to make hand and footprints which we cherish. They took pictures for us. They gave us matching bracelets and helped us to dress our little girl in her cozy sleeper. Another family who had lost a baby too soon had begun handcrafting beautiful tiny caskets.
Here in our little town,so far from anywhere and during Spring Break, so many people were there to give their service to us. We were so grateful for all of them. They made our worst day a little easier and helped us get through it. We were treated with so much kindness. Some of my cousins in Canada found Teeny Tears online and made a donation as a gift to us. That is first how I heard of the organization. When I saw what they were doing and thought about those who had served us, I knew that this project was something I could do to give back. I wish there was no need, but I know how important it is. I usually described myself as a "straight line" seamstress. I already had a pile of flannel to make baby quilts. I ordered my wood patterns and started small. 
Life is crazy, my kitchen table is rarely clean enough to sew, and I never feel like I am quite mastering those little curves. But I love the project, my children love helping by trimming threads, flipping, handing me pins or cutting ribbons.They have learned the hard way that babies die, but they love helping others and I love teaching them compassion. 
I got brave enough to ask for help and was overwhelmed with the willingness of others to pitch in. I hope to make this a life long project and to continue to be able to speak out about these precious little ones, to help people understand what it is to lose a child in this way and that we can all help and be more empathetic in our lives. If we had not lost Lauren, my eyes would not have been opened this wide and neither would my heart. We miss her every day and there is a hole in our family, but her spirit and her lessons are here with us. I do this for her, to see her name blessing others makes me smile. A small few have mentioned to me that this project may be sad, depressing and hard to think of.  I feel exactly the opposite. I only think of how cute the babies will be in their fancy diapers and how the families will feel, knowing their baby is cared about and that they are loved. I have also found that this is a project that touches many hearts, and I love watching it grow. Thank you to the entire Teeny Tears team for all you do to make this service possible for the rest of us."  ~Amy, angel mother to Lauren

These 20 sets of diapers (40 diapers) were sewn in memory of Lauren for the families served by St. Alexius Medical Center in Bismark, North Dakota. Sewn by Amy and some wonderful friends and neighbors in Monticello, Utah. A small town with big hearts. Sewn in memory of Lauren Grace Watson and many other little ones gone too soon.