For Love of Korban

An angel mother received Teeny Tears diapers after the loss of her son.  She shared her story with us and then volunteer seamstress Carol Rinehart from the Northwestern Diaper Dreamers donated a collection of diapers in memory of her little guy.

"Hi, I know that you ladies don't know me, but you have definitely helped ease my pain in a way that I never imagined. My husband and I will be celebrating our 4th wedding anniversary in July of this year and he wanted to wait a year after we got married to start having children. I was 31 when we got married and he was 28. We waited almost a year before we started trying and we weren't having any luck getting pregnant. After trying Clomid, starting artificial insemination and having to stop because I had to many eggs and they thought that if they inserted my husbands sperm I would be the proud mother of a soccer team and so we decided to try IVF instead of artificial insemination again. 

Well, after 2 1/2 or so years of trying all of this, we got pregnant in October of 2013. They inserted 2 embryos and 1 took and they froze 6. I have had several friends who have had miscarriages and through out this pregnancy I have worried about having one. I prayed nightly and daily about not having one and then I was at work on Friday January 10 and my water broke. Having never been pregnant before I wasn't for sure, but I was 99% sure that is what it had to be. I had not been sick, no problems during the pregnancy, no morning sickness or anything so my water breaking was a surprise. 

I went to the local hospital in my town and then they called my doctors office and we headed over there. After getting checked out there and praying the entire car ride there for a miracle I was told that my water had broke and that there wasn't enough water left around the sac.  The entire time my baby was alive. 

On a side note I was 16 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I had heard the heart beat 3 times that evening. This all started at 2:15pm on Friday.  I went to IU Arnett in Lafayette, IN. I ended up delivering the baby at 1:11am on Saturday January 11. It was the worst day of my life. My baby ended up passing during labor and delivery. I went through delivery like a woman that delivers full term. I had contractions and everything. The only thing different is that my baby wasn't alive or fully developed. 

We did find out that maybe my water breaking was a sign from God that my baby wasn't well. After he was born we found out that he had a small hole above his ribs on his left side. A little bit of his intestines and either his liver or stomach were outside of his body. Who knows if he could have survived if he would have lived. We did find out that we had a boy, we held him, and named him. We named him Korban Patrick Miller. He was born at 1:11am on 1-11-14. He may have only been in our lives a short time, but he will NEVER be forgotten. 

 They gave me a memory book to take home and inside that book were many many things that I will cherish for the rest of my life. It was so nice to have something to take home with me and remember my baby even though I wasn't able to take home my baby. I had no idea the hospital did this. 
 The Teeny Tears Diaper meant the world to me. At a time when my heart was broken I had this diaper and there was a story behind it from others that knew exactly how I was feeling. I loved the message, the idea, and everything about it. At a time when I didn't have a baby to take home with me I had these little artifacts to take home with me to help me get through this and find comfort.  

It's been a week since I lost my baby and it still hurts. I know that my husband and I have 6 more frozen embryos and we will try again and it will be a successful pregnancy and we will have our own little baby again only this time we will get to take it home and we won't have to say goodbye to it or bury it before we even got to know it. We had a private burial for Korban yesterday in the city that we live in (Frankfort, IN). I think holding our little boy, seeing he looked like a little baby only smaller, that he had baby features, and that we were able to have a burial for him will help me find peace and with closure. One day we will see him again and be buried right next to him. 

Even though he was only inside me for a short amount of time, we bonded and he was definitely a part of my life. I'm not giving up and all of the people that I have talked to who have had miscarriages went on to have other children or already had children. I have never felt so much love and concern from others. Knowing people care about me, my husband, and our little boy has definitely helped. People I haven't heard from in years are sending flowers, cards, texts, emails, bringing food over, and etc. It certainly helps. So, thank you again for the diaper and for sharing your stories. I know that if it has helped me it is helping and has definitely helped others who are going through the same devastating loss. 

You are a true blessing and teeny tears is changing lives forever and honoring not only your babies that you lost, my baby, and everyone else who has gone through the same thing. I appreciate it and don't ever stop doing what you are doing. You are helping so many. My sincere condolences goes out to everyone who has suffered a loss like this. It doesn't matter how long someone is in our lives it is still a loss. Prayers to you all and thank you so much." ~ Kristy and Dan Miller, parents to baby Korban


"These Teeny Tears diapers and Angel Outfitters buntings were donated in memory of Korban Patrick Miller. By the Rinehart Family. Korban's mom, Kristy shared her story with us and her words wrapped around my heart. She had received a diaper when Korban was born, and said how much it meant to her. Her words caused me to re-focus. It's not just 200 or 25 diapers. It is a special piece of clothing, for a tiny angel, who is someone's hopes, dreams and love. I asked Kristy if I could make my next donation in Korban's memory. She said yes. I like to pick a fabric just for the angel I am sewing in memory of. When I went to Joanns, they had a new print in, green with cute jungle animals!  Donated to Providence Holy Family of Spokane, Washington."  ~Carol, angel grandmother to Carter