For Love of Jenna Mae

"Hello everyone! My name is Jennifer Ball. This is my first donation of diapers. I was able to donate to my local hospital, Delta Community Medical Center. I donated 8 sets of diapers in memory of my daughter Jenna Mae Ball. My 4 year old daughter was able to help me fold the diapers. It was fun to share this experience with her in a little way. 
I feel so blessed to find out about this organization. My cousin told me about this organization after the loss of her angel. I did not know anything like this existed. I was not offered anything for my angel. I was really struggling with the loss of my angel. Making diapers has been a beautiful, helpful healing step in my life. My baby was never offered anything. So I am so excited to help other families have beautiful clothing and know others care.

My Story:

My husband and I were so blessed to welcome a beautiful, healthy daughter into the world. When my daughter Kemry was 2 years old, we decided to have another baby. I figured it would take a while to get pregnant. I was pregnant right away. I was so shocked and excited. At 11 weeks I had a miscarriage. I never imagined this outcome. We tried again 2 more times with the same result. I decided to give up on children. It was too emotional. 

After my third miscarriage I found out I was pregnant again. My doctor had set up an appointment with a specialist. At 5 ½ weeks pregnant I started to bleed. My doctor sent me to get an ultrasound. I was so ready to hear the same news I had heard the last 3 times. We were in complete shock when the ultrasound tech said everything looks great. You are having twins and both heartbeats are strong. I was put on bed rest for a few weeks until the bleeding stopped. Everything continued great with the pregnancy. At 14 weeks we found out we were having a boy and girl. The babies were doing great and we were past the miscarriage stage! Now it was time to prepare for two babies. 

At 20 weeks we went in for our big ultrasound. During the ultrasound the tech stopped and left the room. She had not been able to find the heartbeat of our little girl. We were taken to doctor’s office to be informed that we had lost our little girl. I carried my angel for 15 weeks more. Our little boy was healthy and doing great but was watched very closely. It was an emotional and special time. I was able to feel my angel’s presence. I had time to deal with emotion. 15 weeks of planning the few moments of meeting my angel did not turn out how I had plan. My doctor and I had a plan. He had a photographer lined up, someone to make molds of my angel’s hands and feet, and the nurses at the hospital were informed and ready to help me deal with our loss. 

At 35 weeks my water broke and I was rushed to a larger hospital. I was faced with new doctors, new hospital, and no one knowing my circumstance. I delivered both babies on May 15, 2012. My son was rushed off to the NICU. After my c-section the nurses started to wheel me out of the room. I had to insist on seeing my baby girl. They brought me Jenna Mae in a metal bowl. She had been thrown in the bowl with the placenta and everything else. I was in such shock with the early delivery, being rush to another hospital, and my son being rushed to the NICU, I didn’t know what to do. I took a few pictures and they took my baby girl. I requested hand or feet prints or molds. The nurse took her away to try but I was later told they did not get anything. She was very fragile because she had stay inside of me for 15 weeks after her passing. 

I never saw my little girl again. I was not even able to hold her. The nurses signed a card with a bracelet that said “Sorry for your loss.” One nurse handed me the card and bracelet and walked out of my room. I was not asked if I wanted to hold my baby. A few minutes later a social worker came to my room and handed me a packet about loss and a packet about the NICU. She asked how I was doing. I told her I was okay. She then asked if I need advice on my son in the NICU. I was then told, “Well, you seem okay. So if you need anything, here is my extension number.” Everyone was so busy and focused on my son that it did not matter that I had lost another child. 

I am grateful for the concern and care of my son. Because he was watched so closely, the nurses saved my son’s life. He left the NICU after 2 weeks. I am beyond grateful for his care. I am now dealing with the loss of my angel. I am so blessed to have a healthy son and daughter and am expecting a baby girl in June. Making diapers has helped me deal with loss of my baby girl and deal with the emotion in this pregnancy. I don’t want others to have an experience similar to mine. I want other families experiencing loss to know others care. I feel like making angel clothing is a small way to let families know I care about their child. I hope sharing my story will help hospitals learn how to deal with the loss of a twin.